just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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