I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
