I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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