call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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