i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
