it was like eating out sand paper
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
