This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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