Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
