She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
