I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
