So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
