Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
