My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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