the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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