Moan for me like Helen Keller
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
