I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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