24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
