So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize