Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize