am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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