I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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