remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
These tits shall not be calmed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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