i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
