every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
