we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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