I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
