oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
