dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
