i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
