lets start a swedish sibling band together
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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