He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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