Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
