And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
