You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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