I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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