lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
