I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
