I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
tell me about the fingering
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
