My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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