Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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