seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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