Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
