Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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