That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
