I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
