sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
