Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
