What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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