Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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