She went from zero to smokin in five shots
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
