I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize