i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
