I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's official drugs can't kill me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
