we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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