he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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