Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
