apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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