Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Randomize
