Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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