I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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