woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
