quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
