Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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