Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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