he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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