If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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