Why does Corona taste like a burp?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
