There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
