you win again, gameday.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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