mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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