Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let's get the cat blown out
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
