there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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