I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
