not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Come see our sink grown plant.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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